It´s the Nato-summit in Baden Baden. Technically that means Swim Swim in German. As every proffessional journalist i would always prefer a hotel with a swim-swim over one without a swim-swim. Sauna is also nice. I am a german proffesional journalist after all. We like to get rid of our pants every once in a while. The bad news is: All of these hotels (the once with swim-swim) were booked in Baden Baden because the French and the Americans booked them all. So I am sitting in a swim-swim-less hotel with only few stars typing this article. I am offended. Here is my piece about the summit that I am about to submit.

Merkel slices Turkey

The Nato is looking for a new president. This is a big problem for Angela Merkel. Because she likes Döner Kebab. She puts a lot of sauce on it and eats them at night in her big office. Once an intern told me: “it smells like garlic in her office, man, you would not believe it.” The intern spoke to me and told me I was not allowed to tell anyone. I am a professional journalist, so I said: “Do not worry, your secret is safe.” Thank you, intern. Anyways: She likes Döner Kebab.

But here is the problem: Angela Merkel confused Döner and Dane. When she was asked who she wanted for Nato-President she said “Döner!”. She was very hungry. The buffet here is lousy. The other unprofessional journalists understood “Dane!” And: Et voila: Now the world believes she supports a Dane who does not support Döner Kebabs.

Dane offers babywale-meat to Merkel

Merkel: Don´t call him Rassismussen!

In fact he would like to ban them because the smell makes him sick. He likes to eat babywales and little seals for breakfast. He is a real man. Angela Merkel is just a women who likes Döner. Also she is the chancellor. She should not be misunderstood. She has garlic. As a professional journalist you sometimes have to find ways to quote a quote that you would be too good not to have.One that spices up your writing.

In that case it´s ok to say “a source” has told you something. A source has told me this: The Danish Prime Minister likes to be called Rassismussen by his interns. The end.